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Suspended/Transcript
(Scene fades in on P.S. 118 as the bell rings, Mr. Simmons hands out the graded tests, Harold Berman gets his test back, seeing he got a D+) Harold Berman :Aww! I hate school. I wish I'd never have to go to school again! Arnold Shortman :Come on, Harold. It's not that bad. Harold :Yes it is! We're trapped in here day after day, doing boring stuff and standing in line for cold, crappy food that they don't even give me time to eat! Oh I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I just wish there some way I can get out of school and get to stay home and be free! (Harold walks out the classroom and sees Wolfgang spraying the other students with the fire extinguisher as the students are screaming) Wolfgang :Yeah! Look at me, I'm a fireman! I'm a fireman! Ha ha! (Principal Wartz comes out of his office to see what the commotion is about) Principal Wartz :What the devil is going on? (Walks up to Wolfgang angry) Wolfgang :Whoo-hoo! I'm a fireman! (Sees Principal Wartz) Oops. Principal Wartz :(Takes fire extinguisher away from Wolfgang, puts it back in it's case) Wolfgang, that is a flagrant violation of school safety rules, not to mention federal law. You're suspended! Wolfgang :What?! Principal Wartz :You heard me. You are hereby ordered to stay out this school for one entire week. (Harold smiles as he listens in on the conversation, giving him an idea of how to get out of school, grabs the fire extinguisher, knocks on Principal Wartz's door, Wartz opens door) Yes? (Harold tries to spray Wartz but finds out that the extinguisher's empty) Oh, thank you, Harold. You're right I really should have this fire extinguisher refilled immediately. It's not safe otherwise. Thank you. Now run along to your class. (Takes fire extinguisher and closes door) Harold :Hey! That stupid dork was suppose to suspend me! Principal Wartz :(Walks out of his office overhearing what Harold said) Harold, did you just call me a stupid dork? Harold :No, no, no, no. (Changes his mind at the last minute) I mean yes. Yes, I did call you a stupid dork! Principal Wartz :That's a violation of the School Constitution, Article 34, Section C, Paragraph 2! You're suspended. Harold :YES! (Harold changes his attitude so Wartz won't be suspicious) Uh, I mean, aw gee. (Walks home with Arnold) I can't believe they think this is a punishment! Ha ha! Nothing to do all day but watch tv, eat lots of junk food and play ball. Arnold :Harold, getting suspended isn't suppose to be a good thing. Harold :What, are you kidding? This is every kids dream. No school or books or teaching for a whole week. This is gonna be the best week of my whole life! (The next day) Marilyn Berman :(Monday morning, Harold walks through the kitchen with his backpack as Jerry Berman reads the paper) Harold, honey. Your shredded wheat is on the table. Harold :No thanks, Mother dear. I want to get to school early today to get a head start on my work. (Jerry and Marilyn looked surprised) Jerry Berman :Has he been eating the instant coffee again? Harold :(Hides behind mailbox) This is great. After Mom and Dad leave, I'll sneak back in the house, they'll never know I got suspended and I'll have the whole place to myself. Marilyn :And don't forget to call the insurance company. Jerry :Okay. Marilyn :And pick up more milk on your way home. Jerry :Oh, alright. Marilyn :Oh and don't forget the dry cleaning. I'll be at my book club. Jerry :Anything else, Marilyn? Marilyn :I'll call you! (Walks off to book club) Harold :(Runs to the door, tries to open it to find out its locked) Awww! (Comes in through the window, is stuck for a few seconds, makes it through but crashes into something) Ow! (Harold's at the kitchen table) No school, no books, no teachers. Nothing but freedom and Chocolate Cheese Munchies. (Pours cereal into bowl and only gets on piece of cereal, opens cookie box and a moth flies out, looks all over kitchen and finds nothing) Aww, there's no good food! Oh, who cares? (Closes cupboard, goes to room) I don't have to eat now. There's plenty of other stuff to do. (Jumps on bed laughing, hits his head on ceiling) Ow, stupid ceiling! (Bed breaks) Ooh, stupid bed! (Runs to living room) Okay then. I can watch cartoons and scary movies and all those great talk shows with those dumb people yelling and throwing chairs at each other! (Cartoon plays as it changes to news reel) News Announcer :We now interrupt our cartoon marathon to bring you ongoing live coverage of the World Economic Summit from Kyoto, Japan. (Harold changes channel and finds the news on every channel) Harold :Aww, it's on every channel! (Throws remote) Stupid TV! (Sees basketball) Hey, I know what I can do. I'll go shoot some baskets! I'll call Stinky and Sid and... Aww crud, I forgot! They're all at school. Oh, well. I'll just play by myself. (Plays basketball at local ball court) He turns, he fakes, he shoots! (Shoots ball, misses basket) Oh. (Tries shooting again, jumps and grabs basketball hoop, bends the pole of basketball hoop, rushes and grabs basketball) Desperation shot! (Shoots ball, bounce off of pole, onto a car and into traffic causing an accident, Harold looks miserable) I hate being suspended and it's only Monday. I can't take it. I wanna go back to school! (At the school playground) Arnold :(Playing HORSE with Gerald at P.S. 118 playground) That's H-O-R for you, Gerald. Harold :(From inside dumpster) Hey, Arnold. Over here. Arnold :Harold, what are you doing in there? Harold :(Lifts lid) I need your help. I can't take this suspension stuff. I wanna get back into school. Arnold :But, Harold, I though you wanted to get suspended. Harold :No, I-I changed my mind! Arnold :Well I don't know what I can do. Harold :Just get me back into school, okay? (Bell rings, everyone goes to class, Arnold leaves too) Arnold :Look, I got to go. Can we talk about this later? Harold :Hey, wait! Oh! (Closes dumpster lid) Janitor :(Walks over to dumpster with pot of expired cheese) Oh, I can't believe I left all this rotten cheese out in the hot sun all morning. (Opens dumpster, pours cheese on Harold) Ooh, this stuff stinks! (Closes dumpster) Harold :(Covered in cheese) Stupid cheese. (Later, Harold ties a rope around himself, flings the other half around the flagpole, and uses it to climb himself up and waves to Arnold who stares in surprise) Mr. Simmons :Who can tell me what the colonists did to protest the tea tax? Arnold. Arnold :Huh? Uh, I'm sorry Mr. Simmons, I just thought I saw something out the window. Mr. Simmons :Uh-uh, alright Arnold, but you won't find the answer to this exciting history question "out the window". Harold :I gotta get in there! (however, a bee buzzes around him and makes him fall down.) Principal Wartz :Harold, you're not supposed to be within 100 yards of school property. Harold :But Principal Wartz- Principal Wartz :Sorry Harold, but the school constitution demands that I give you another week of suspension. Harold :Another week?!? No! Please! Principal Wartz :Rules are rules. Now, promise me Harold you won't let me catch you on the premises again. Harold :I promise, Principal Wartz, I won't come on the premises again. (Later) Harold :This is perfect! I'll use this foolproof disguise to pretend I'm delivering a pizza. (as he says this he puts on a moustache) Then, I'll make a run for Simmons' class, I'll just tell Simmons they cut my suspension short. Oh, what a great plan. (bumps into Principal Wartz) Principal Wartz :Yes, can I help you? Harold :(incognito as an Italian pizza delivery man; to Principal Wartz) Someone ordered a pizza for the teacher's lounge? Principal Wartz :What are you doing, Harold? Harold :(in a fake Italian accent) I don't know whad'ya talkin about? I'm not...Harold...Im a little old Italian man delivering a pizza. See, I... I... even have a mustache. (Wartz rips off mustache) Oww! Principal Wartz :That's another week of suspension for you, young man. Harold :Awww! Principal Wartz :Repeat slowly after me. Harold :Slowly after me... Principal Wartz :No! Not yet. Alright now, I won't enter the school ground for the next three weeks. Harold :I won't enter the school ground for the next three weeks. Principal Wartz :Good, I'll see you in three weeks. Harold :Good, I'll see you in three weeks. Principal Wartz :Harold. Harold :Harold. Principal Wartz :Do'h. (Later, Harold is digging a tunnel) Harold :I'll be on school grounds again in no time! What a great plan! (Principal Wartz approaches) Principal Wartz :Hello, son. You're digging quite a hole there, aren't you? Harold :Yeah, see, I got banned because I called the principal a stupid dork, (grunts) and now he won't let me into the school, (grunts) so I'm gonna tunnel in. Principal Wartz :Is that so? That's another week of suspension for you, Mr. Berman. Harold :Aww! (shovel hits his foot) Oww! Principal Wartz :And fill up that hole. (Later, he makes a slingshot to fling himself on school grounds. Arnold sees this and walks up to him.) Arnold :Harold, what are you doing? Gerald :See, I made this giant slingshot, and I'm gonna-I'm gonna strap myself in, and launch myself into this school. Arnold :Harold, it'll never work. Besides, school's already out. You're acting crazy. Harold :I know that Arnold. Arnold :Then why are you doing it? Harold :Cause I'm desperate! (Suddenly the wires disconnect, making Harold fall) I wanna go back to school! (wails; suddenly Principal Wartz shows up) Principal Wartz :Well, well, well, so you just keep pushing your luck, don't you, mister? I'm afraid it's another week of suspension for you. Harold :Noooooooooo! Arnold :Principal Wartz, look at him. (Harold is crying) Don't you think he learned his lesson? Principal Wartz :Rules are rules, young man. Arnold :But come on, hasn't he suffered enough? Principal Wartz :Son, the school constitution has very strict previsions. Now don't test my patience. Arnold :But you're not being reasonable. Your acting like a tyrant. Principal Wartz :That's it! I've had enough of your backtalk! You're suspended for two days! Arnold :What?! You gotta be kidding! Principal Wartz :You want to make it a week? (Arnold looks down with a sad look) (The next day) News Announcer :We now return you to day two of the World Economic Summit from Kyoto, Japan. Arnold :I can't believe he suspended me. Harold :What are you complaining about? You only got two days, I've got five weeks! Arnold :There's gotta be something we can do. Harold :There's nothing, Arnold, I tried it all! Stupid Wartz and his stupid rules! Arnold :That gives me an idea! Harold :You wanna try the slingshot again? Arnold :No, I've got a better idea. Come on! Harold :What is that place? A prison or something? Arnold :No, it's a public library. (At the library, Arnold researches from books and the computer while Harold reads comics and playcomputer games, but Arnold turns off the game. Arnold then prints something, bu then sees Gerald printing his backside and is not amused. They are then chased out of the library by the librarian.) Librarian :And don't you come back! (Later, Principal Wartz walks out of the school and sees Arnold and Harold approaching him) Principal Wartz :What the devil's wrong with you two? You're not supposed to be within a hundred yards of this school! Arnold :With all due respect, sir, according to the school constitution, article 14, section 2, paragraph 5, we are fully within our rights. Harold :And it says here in, uh, a-article 39, section 4, w-when a student gets suspended, he can repeal it if there are... outside circumcisions! Arnold :(Correcting Harold) ...stances. Harold :...stances! Outside circumstances! Arnold :And we have here 40 pages of material explaining why we have the right to be let back in school. Under article 39, we would like a review of our case by an outside agency. Principal Wartz :You boys maker a very impressive case. The only problem is that you're talking about an outdated school constitution from 1956. This is the current constitution and there is nothing in here about any appeal, that's for sure. Harold :Please, Principal Wartz! Please! I can't take it anymore! (sobs) I'll do whatever you want, I promise! I won't call you anymore names like "stupid dork" or "dog breath" or "bubble blob" or "mow bald mor-" (Arnold gestures for him to cut it out; record needle scratches) Anyway, I've learned my lesson, and I just wanna come back to school! Principal Wartz :Well, I suppose since you seem to have learned your lesson that the suspension has accomplished its desired goal, so as of tomorrow, your suspension is itself suspended. Provided you catch up on all the work you missed. Harold :Oh thank you thank you mow bald moron, I love you! School! Beautiful school! Arnold :Thanks, Principal Wartz. (Starts to follow Harold into the school) Principal Wartz :Wait a minute, where are you going? (Arnold stops) Arnold :Huh? Principal Wartz :I didn't say anything about lifting your suspension. Arnold :But Principal Wartz, I-- Principal Wartz :Just kidding! Now run along! Ah Wartzy, you've done it again. The true prince must temper justice with mercy. It's no wonder the children love and respect me. (Wolfgang sprays his fire extinguisher at Principal Wartz in the back) Wolfgang :Hey Wartz, you wide load! Ha ha! Principal Wartz :That's it, young man! You're suspended! Wolfgang :You can't suspend me! I'm already suspended! Principal Wartz :Well, in that case, you're unsuspended! Get back to class! Wolfgang :Gotta catch me first, old ugly guy! Ha ha! Ha ha! Principal Wartz :Come back here, pal! (Principal Wartz furiously chases Wolfgang as he falls in the hole) Whoa! Haroooold! Category:Suspended Category:Episode transcripts